team peawok

There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize what reliability means to them. For myself, I only recently learnt what that is.

I've never been big on birthdays. Perhaps for more practical reasons, it had to do with the fact that i was born in the summer and none of my friends were ever in town, or I was constantly traveling or was it because all those things we ought to desire as a child on your birthday always just fell into place every other day than the actual birth-date. When it came around to planning this year, i wanted to celebrate for once but so many questions came to mind. Finally this year, i was going to have more than 3 people. The one question that was most prevalent was "WHO can I rely on come?" The restaurant had a 20 person minimum but who at the end of the day has 20 real genuine friends? I can think of 5 I can rely on anything for, 10 is pushing it, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to list enough to fit on as many fingers that I have (let me clarify that that doesn't mean I have 10 fingers). Long story short, I first made a list of 15 people, and finally shortened it to an effective set of 8, and it couldn't have been more perfect.

These past couple of months have been a constant flux of mental consultations, and self reflections. And the past week, I witnessed first hand how memories cannot be tarnished by time and impractical thoughts. I was at a family gathering (rare also) and though it happens only every couple of years, some only get together every decade, it brought me great pleasure and it was a privilege to see that their positive memories were all they could see in one another. It was instinctual, inherit, and most importantly, loyal.

This week was brought to a close by a very productive meeting with my team. I call it the team, Team Peawok, because i know it is a very close and trusted network of individuals who can always be there for each other; I have come to an understanding that I have at least 3 available sets around the world and I am so lucky for that. I only say it like this because those that know me personally, know i understand everything better when i can organize the situation into a particular category. It in dividing these things into a clear taxonomy then can i see the value of each person and in the right context and setting they are placed in. I wish everyone to try and see who their "team" is. In my personal team members heads, they may refer to it as Team Kongo, or Team Brains, or Team CBC, and I don't possess them in any nature other than the fact that our existence is solely to support each others development. This summer, when i had the ability to reflect over my thoughts, i came across old friends again, who are all seemingly going through a similar transition in their mental existence. It may have to do with the age that we are in, I cannot be too sure, but finding that right team was the correct decision for this path. A friend of mine, whom, i'll introduce as D, came back into my life recently, and we've been spending a lot of time together. He shared his insight on what we are missing, and I greatly value his secrets.

D's secret was this:
"With all our advances in communications, informations, and technology, the one thing we lack is social interaction. But so what if i text or make a habit of never leaving my house weeks upon ends? I am aware of that, but the secret is to ENGAGE yourself with others. Maybe its a positive achievement that we are on guard when it comes to letting each other in because we can see it as a valuable lesson. When we need to lean on someone the feeling is genuine. Peawok, just ENGAGE yourself and you'll see."

We push and shove one another at our worst moments. I said the other day to someone, "oh i love to press buttons" when talking about my blackberry. He replied, "I can interpret that in so many ways." God forbid, he wasn't thinking about the same buttons i was talking about, but I found the observation to be quite interesting and has been possessing my thoughts. So the bottom line is this, we need to preserve the genuine hearts in our lives. All this personal drama and trouble we cause for one another, admittedly, I do it myself, is not worth losing a smile from your other team members.

Engage yourself.

everyone look UP

Walking home this evening was supposed to be uneventful until i looked up into the sky and saw these two lights beaming into the clouds with at least 300 or more fireflies going through the lights. Something that always touches me is seeing an incredible feat; experiencing human resilience is such a privilege.

i spent the day with an artist that i had worked with in the past. its so interesting to me how we all eventually cross paths with each other, that is, if it was meant to happen. he even said to me "i didn't expect this to turn out the way it was going to be."

An old friend of mine and I were laying in her empty apartment the other afternoon. She said to me "peawok, wouldnt it be lovely, if we could just watch the ceiling all day and not have to worry in life?" I know its tempting, but i had to disagree. its such an extreme emotion and expectation to only want that. the lack of balance makes these wonderful fantasies feel so great. My point is this though: Do we need these extremes in our lives? Saying you're bored is still an extremity in itself as well right?

On another note, Brains called me "Baby Venus" the other day because my i apparently don't break hearts, but always have my heart broken. So am I then a "Baby Persephone" instead?

fried chicken at KIPS BAY

as a connoisseur to anything fried, i take great pride in knowing where there is fried chicken in any city that i am in. KIPS BAY is one of only cinemas in NY that has not only fried chicken, but curly fries, hot dog bites, corn dogs, hot dogs (its labeled 2000 calories), and those wonderful ice cream sandwiches with two cookies. oh god.

so tonight i went there to see a movie, just like most evenings, and i tried the fried chicken there, it wasn't so yummy, neither were the curly fries.

on the way over though, i killed this huge mosquito that was pestering everyone on the train. the rather plump lady across from me was trying to kill it too, and when she saw my hand was all bloody, she took out a dunkin donuts napkin from her napsack, so i could clean myself off. Isn't the world wonderful? she wore a t-shirt that said LIBRA on it. she seemed like a wonderful being. I kept on thanking her.

Also, i'd like to just point out one of my favourite quotes from Brains:
"peawok sometimes, you're just so good. not like a good person. but just GOOD" o_o