pet pigeons

A long time ago, i rented an apartment that had two terraces overlooking the surrounding views. There was not only something inherently sexy about the voyeuristic nature of it, but the place itself was inspiring. I wanted to briefly share a story about some birds though that lived with me.

The two terraces were located on both ends of the apartment. Respectively, one was a part of my bedroom, and the other connected to the living room. I hardly ever went to the living room, but my bedroom terrace was sacred territory. One day, my terrace got incredibly noisy, and I thought I was being burglarized. Low and behold, I was having a visitor, a pigeon. Now, where I come from, regardless of how peripatetic I am, pigeons are considered to be flying rats, vermin, sometimes eaten, and of course I came to the same assumptions. It came and visited everyday. Days became weeks, and finally I realized it began nesting under my chairs I kept outside. First of all there was the hygiene part, no one wants an unwanted animal visitor nesting so close to where you spend your evening hours, but I wasn't going to hurt it in anyway. We tried to shoo it away but it kept on coming back. Eventually, I learned to live with it, and the pigeons had apparently laid eggs as well, and this was its gestation period. The eggs were going to be little birds, and what could I possibly do?

My mother was visiting for a bit and I was away on lecture when she called me in a panic.

"peawok, the pigeons had such an exciting day today. I was sweeping the balcony when I got too close to the little family that the mother flew off onto the trees across the road. The stronger of the baby birds though flew with its mother, while the other one fell off the balcony onto the street!"

I was living on the 3rd floor of a 5 story building, but I guess to a little bird, it is high regardless.

"the mother bird was clearly in stress, it kept on flying back down to its child nudging it with its little head to get it to fly up. After a few cars passed, the mother finally got the baby to fly up into the tree to join its other sibling. And eventually came home under your chair. I was so relieved. Oh peawok, it was just so mortifying to see that. Quelle stress!!"

At the time, I brushed it off as silly, but since the years have past, I came to realize how significant something like that can be. These creatures looked out for one another and were left to their instincts. I question how many people come to mind that really look out for one another in my life? We might have the right intentions, but survival seems to be last thing on our minds. How terrible it would be if were put in the same situation as the little bird family. I'll just leave it at that for today.

the pumpkin queen

long lunch

i'll paraphrase it. long lunches are by far my favourite activity between two people. my friends, always say dinner is the main meal with the most expectations, but with lunches, it can last the whole day, and go onto dinner, and to second dinner if interesting enough. those everlasting, never-ending conversations are by far worth it. one of my dearest friends Brains, who i seemingly mention every post, always have these LONG meals that go on and on; we're not always together, and our conversations will carry over the phone, emails, in person, or in texts, for hours upon days. In short, I genuinely believe that when you can experience a silence with someone that isn't uncomfortable, then its just the best.

these past couple of months, i have to admit has been a collection of positives, excess, and some negatives and disappointments, but mostly the former two. disappointment is something that everyone experiences and of course i've had my list of them, but i wanted to share a moment during long lunch that i had recently. A lot of people I have spoken to have been experiencing these extremities,and when bad things happen it seems and its just happening to you specifically. sometimes trouble comes in seemingly endless amounts and it comes an excess.

SB: "peawok, what are you doing to stay so positive everyday? life sucks."
peawok: "oh i've been seeing a psych-..."
SB: "a psych...what meds are you on?"
peawok: "no PSYCHIC"
SB: "oh.."

I see someone that "guides" me into having a clearer vision about life, and it really has helped, and my point isn't that everyone needs to see a medium, but it is so important to surround yourself with positive influences that do not hurt you in anyway. i entered a house full of disappointments and burdens the other day, and it fell onto my shoulders and brought me some sort of physical tension and pain. "you have to get out of this" i thought to myself. why fuss over it and let them bring you down in that way. i've been definitely feeling this negative sense of self entitlement but instead exudes more of lack of confidence in a lot of people, and maybe its where we are in the world now, i don't know. it manifests into our physical world and hurts us and all those negative people just gravitate towards each other and cause chaos. in the end just have a long lunch with Brains.

team peawok

There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize what reliability means to them. For myself, I only recently learnt what that is.

I've never been big on birthdays. Perhaps for more practical reasons, it had to do with the fact that i was born in the summer and none of my friends were ever in town, or I was constantly traveling or was it because all those things we ought to desire as a child on your birthday always just fell into place every other day than the actual birth-date. When it came around to planning this year, i wanted to celebrate for once but so many questions came to mind. Finally this year, i was going to have more than 3 people. The one question that was most prevalent was "WHO can I rely on come?" The restaurant had a 20 person minimum but who at the end of the day has 20 real genuine friends? I can think of 5 I can rely on anything for, 10 is pushing it, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to list enough to fit on as many fingers that I have (let me clarify that that doesn't mean I have 10 fingers). Long story short, I first made a list of 15 people, and finally shortened it to an effective set of 8, and it couldn't have been more perfect.

These past couple of months have been a constant flux of mental consultations, and self reflections. And the past week, I witnessed first hand how memories cannot be tarnished by time and impractical thoughts. I was at a family gathering (rare also) and though it happens only every couple of years, some only get together every decade, it brought me great pleasure and it was a privilege to see that their positive memories were all they could see in one another. It was instinctual, inherit, and most importantly, loyal.

This week was brought to a close by a very productive meeting with my team. I call it the team, Team Peawok, because i know it is a very close and trusted network of individuals who can always be there for each other; I have come to an understanding that I have at least 3 available sets around the world and I am so lucky for that. I only say it like this because those that know me personally, know i understand everything better when i can organize the situation into a particular category. It in dividing these things into a clear taxonomy then can i see the value of each person and in the right context and setting they are placed in. I wish everyone to try and see who their "team" is. In my personal team members heads, they may refer to it as Team Kongo, or Team Brains, or Team CBC, and I don't possess them in any nature other than the fact that our existence is solely to support each others development. This summer, when i had the ability to reflect over my thoughts, i came across old friends again, who are all seemingly going through a similar transition in their mental existence. It may have to do with the age that we are in, I cannot be too sure, but finding that right team was the correct decision for this path. A friend of mine, whom, i'll introduce as D, came back into my life recently, and we've been spending a lot of time together. He shared his insight on what we are missing, and I greatly value his secrets.

D's secret was this:
"With all our advances in communications, informations, and technology, the one thing we lack is social interaction. But so what if i text or make a habit of never leaving my house weeks upon ends? I am aware of that, but the secret is to ENGAGE yourself with others. Maybe its a positive achievement that we are on guard when it comes to letting each other in because we can see it as a valuable lesson. When we need to lean on someone the feeling is genuine. Peawok, just ENGAGE yourself and you'll see."

We push and shove one another at our worst moments. I said the other day to someone, "oh i love to press buttons" when talking about my blackberry. He replied, "I can interpret that in so many ways." God forbid, he wasn't thinking about the same buttons i was talking about, but I found the observation to be quite interesting and has been possessing my thoughts. So the bottom line is this, we need to preserve the genuine hearts in our lives. All this personal drama and trouble we cause for one another, admittedly, I do it myself, is not worth losing a smile from your other team members.

Engage yourself.

familiarity

there was a festival outside my window this weekend, and the children that lived across the street were dancing on their beds. this reminds me of the bliss we can all experience through each others company and not taking our existence for granted. it doesn't matter where we are in the world, when we are balanced we will find each other. i genuinely believe in the fact that every person that comes into your life is there for a reason. while getting up this morning, i put on a sweater that hadn't been worn in ages. that whiff of scents that was residing in the fabric brought with it a resurrengnce of memories that i thought i had disappeared.