WINGS

epitome

FOOD AND FATE

OK, i'm back, and i think i'm going through a stage where i need less philosophy, and more food diaries!
today i ate the following and made the following purchases

bowl of tomato soup
haricot vert
strawberries
potatoes
meatballs
olive oil
gyoza
strawberry juice
evian
seafood salad
pesto pasta
rock salt

not much more to discuss currently!

untitled entry I

I've been derailed for a portion of my hiatus, but i am back now. It was created by focusing too much on the "do" of life vs finding a balance between the "do" and "is". Since my last entry, its been a couple months, I had the luxury to reflect, but too much of anything is never a good thing! The past couple of days, I spent some time with some new friends, really old acquaintances but have grown to become much closer than I ever imagined. There is so much excess noise in the city that I'm currently a residence. Granted, it has everything that you "want" but it is void of actual substance and it is complete MANIA. Time is either moving too fast or slow here, and having no limit or what seems to be no limit of what we can achieve is incredibly daunting. In this time, which has been mostly a negative, a specific set of characters have been hovering around that caused this negative imbalance.

The first one is completely oblivious of their actions or are aware of any conflict because they are so wrapped up in their heads. Their goals can never be achieved because they are completely unaware of their limitations, or refuse to believe that any limitation, be it, financial, mental, or physical. There is zero boundary between arrogance vs confidence.

The second believes everything involves them and take all the conflicts around as a personal vendetta. Any sort of abrasion triggers off a million sorts of anxiety. They are the type that believes they keep everything to themselves, but express all their intent through 'taking action', 'being involved' and trying to resolve everyones problem, rationalizing their actions as charity. Instead of arrogance vs confidence, its pity vs understanding

Now, these are solely observations, it is completely vulgar for me to say that is the only thing these people offer to the world. But these negative attributes listed have genuinely shaken me, and they're everywhere. Zero resolution and the amount of tension they cause by their mere presence volcanos and erupts and it is incredibly difficult to remain calm and collected when you're constantly surrounded by this. So what is the resolution? I find filtering them out is the only way, because discussing, and trying to make things black and white first, is nearly impossible. As a result, and sadly pessimistically, there is no time to be wasted on bickerers. The collection of these types have really clouded the ability to perform properly, but taking this step back and just observing is huge. As mentioned in previous posts, about 6 months ago, I was working with my energy healer who sent me the message of how "our actions, even if they are driven by care can come off as insincere because we "care" too much." In a sense, we aren't even taking into account the other person involved, but only taking care of our ego, pulling the focus away from the actual conflict/situation, and making it about themselves.

OK

enough about this, happy lunar new year!

pet pigeons

A long time ago, i rented an apartment that had two terraces overlooking the surrounding views. There was not only something inherently sexy about the voyeuristic nature of it, but the place itself was inspiring. I wanted to briefly share a story about some birds though that lived with me.

The two terraces were located on both ends of the apartment. Respectively, one was a part of my bedroom, and the other connected to the living room. I hardly ever went to the living room, but my bedroom terrace was sacred territory. One day, my terrace got incredibly noisy, and I thought I was being burglarized. Low and behold, I was having a visitor, a pigeon. Now, where I come from, regardless of how peripatetic I am, pigeons are considered to be flying rats, vermin, sometimes eaten, and of course I came to the same assumptions. It came and visited everyday. Days became weeks, and finally I realized it began nesting under my chairs I kept outside. First of all there was the hygiene part, no one wants an unwanted animal visitor nesting so close to where you spend your evening hours, but I wasn't going to hurt it in anyway. We tried to shoo it away but it kept on coming back. Eventually, I learned to live with it, and the pigeons had apparently laid eggs as well, and this was its gestation period. The eggs were going to be little birds, and what could I possibly do?

My mother was visiting for a bit and I was away on lecture when she called me in a panic.

"peawok, the pigeons had such an exciting day today. I was sweeping the balcony when I got too close to the little family that the mother flew off onto the trees across the road. The stronger of the baby birds though flew with its mother, while the other one fell off the balcony onto the street!"

I was living on the 3rd floor of a 5 story building, but I guess to a little bird, it is high regardless.

"the mother bird was clearly in stress, it kept on flying back down to its child nudging it with its little head to get it to fly up. After a few cars passed, the mother finally got the baby to fly up into the tree to join its other sibling. And eventually came home under your chair. I was so relieved. Oh peawok, it was just so mortifying to see that. Quelle stress!!"

At the time, I brushed it off as silly, but since the years have past, I came to realize how significant something like that can be. These creatures looked out for one another and were left to their instincts. I question how many people come to mind that really look out for one another in my life? We might have the right intentions, but survival seems to be last thing on our minds. How terrible it would be if were put in the same situation as the little bird family. I'll just leave it at that for today.

the pumpkin queen

long lunch

i'll paraphrase it. long lunches are by far my favourite activity between two people. my friends, always say dinner is the main meal with the most expectations, but with lunches, it can last the whole day, and go onto dinner, and to second dinner if interesting enough. those everlasting, never-ending conversations are by far worth it. one of my dearest friends Brains, who i seemingly mention every post, always have these LONG meals that go on and on; we're not always together, and our conversations will carry over the phone, emails, in person, or in texts, for hours upon days. In short, I genuinely believe that when you can experience a silence with someone that isn't uncomfortable, then its just the best.

these past couple of months, i have to admit has been a collection of positives, excess, and some negatives and disappointments, but mostly the former two. disappointment is something that everyone experiences and of course i've had my list of them, but i wanted to share a moment during long lunch that i had recently. A lot of people I have spoken to have been experiencing these extremities,and when bad things happen it seems and its just happening to you specifically. sometimes trouble comes in seemingly endless amounts and it comes an excess.

SB: "peawok, what are you doing to stay so positive everyday? life sucks."
peawok: "oh i've been seeing a psych-..."
SB: "a psych...what meds are you on?"
peawok: "no PSYCHIC"
SB: "oh.."

I see someone that "guides" me into having a clearer vision about life, and it really has helped, and my point isn't that everyone needs to see a medium, but it is so important to surround yourself with positive influences that do not hurt you in anyway. i entered a house full of disappointments and burdens the other day, and it fell onto my shoulders and brought me some sort of physical tension and pain. "you have to get out of this" i thought to myself. why fuss over it and let them bring you down in that way. i've been definitely feeling this negative sense of self entitlement but instead exudes more of lack of confidence in a lot of people, and maybe its where we are in the world now, i don't know. it manifests into our physical world and hurts us and all those negative people just gravitate towards each other and cause chaos. in the end just have a long lunch with Brains.